Chaos Chronicle

Since our wee baby girl arrived on August 3rd, life has been nothing short of incredibly hectic. I need to document it here, in no frilly fashion, before I forget it along with the many other things (like where I put her blanket) that vanish before I realize. There is not a single doubt in my mind that this post will be long, but it needs to exist for our personal remembrance more than anything else.

August 3: a supposed 6 weeks early (I believe we were actually further along than my due date suggested), our 5 lb 11 oz, 19", baby bundle arrives. Being she is so early, she is an automatic admit to the Level II nursery. We are already familiar and comfortable (as much as one can be in this situation) with this scenario being Bubba found himself here in his first days of life as well. Other than a bit of a respiratory diagnosis - albeit one without need of any help - she looks pretty good. However, there are many milestones she'll need to pass before she is released. There is no telling how long she will be in, how long we'll be without our complete family at home, but we know she is in great hands.

August 5: I am released from the hospital but given a room for boarding being the wee one is still a patient. However, I decide later that night not to take advantage of this room, for a variety of reasons, so I go home after spending time with our babe and taking part in a couple of feedings.

August 6 - 8: Each day revolves around hospital visits. I would go to spend 3 feedings with her, each spanning 3 hours apart. We are able to cuddle and bond amongst the beeping monitors and nurses. To pass the time in-between, which only ends up being about 2 hours, I pump, eat, talk, shop, etc. Always running.

August 9: After a few days of a pain shooting up my back, leading to tightening of my chest and back, in turn lowering my pulse to the low 40's and raising my blood pressure, I find myself in the emergency room (first time ever!). An EKG and CT scan were done immediately to rule out the upfront life threatening issues. Throughout the next 6 hours more tests are completed and it is decided that I am to be admitted to the cardiac unit. Scary. More tests. More pokes. More tears. I tell everyone I talk to that my baby is going home the following day and I plan to be doing the same... so figure this out! That night, I developed the worst headache of my lifetime. Keep in mind I have regular migraines so I'm already familiar with horrible headaches and this is much worse. All of my heart tests come back looking good, which only confirms my own suspicions that this is related to the epidural. The epidural in which the doc took two swipes before getting it right, then managed to numb one of my legs beyond any one's belief, including nurses who see this done all of the time. Every doc I suggested this to bocked at my idea, but in the end the anesthesiology department was involved. That was as much of an admittance ever received.

August 10: I am discharged from the Cardiology unit mid-afternoon, with blood pressure meds and pain killers. By 3 we are on our way to pick up Bubba with baby girl in tow. Good day.

August 11: MIL comes over to help organize baby girl's room... it is a complete catastrophe due to the early arrival and chaos of the previous days. This takes most of the day. I'm exhausted. I've yet to relax much less take a nap like I think new mamas should.

August 12: First follow-up appointment for baby girl. All looks good. She's gaining weight (which is almost all that is checked). Somehow this quick follow-up appointment ends up chewing up a good portion of my day.

August 13: Friday... need I say more? BigCat ends up home due to rain so it's another day of getting stuff done on top of preemie caring. Note: preemie caring is indeed different than regular newborn caring. More rules, more feedings (whether she is wanting them or not), etc. The OB home nurse also visits and does the many things I feel our life has encompassed as of lately (blood pressure checks, questionnaires, temperatures, etc).

August 14 - 15: We are prepping for Bubba's 3rd birthday party. The families are coming out Monday night to celebrate. Shopping, cleaning, wrapping, etc. He isn't sleeping well so BigCat spends much of his nights with Bubba.

August 16: Carpet installation in the downstairs bedroom is completed 5 minutes after I need it to be... Baby girl hasn't pooped since Friday morning, so they suggest she comes in and create an opening for her appointment before the doc technically starts her day. This whole debacle ends up taking 3 hours, leaving me with little time to finish prep for Bubba's party. In the mean time we receive a call from Bubba's daycare provider that he is complaining of his throat hurting. Nothing else seems to be going on (and we're not sure if it's for attention, a common act since baby girl arrived) so she keeps him. I shower only after the first guests arrive.

August 17: Bubba is continuing at daycare for these first weeks... it's best for everyone involved. In an attempt to drop him off, he bawls like never before saying only "I want to go home". So, he gets just that. He remains in relatively good spirits but nonetheless adds quite the dimension to being home with baby. That night, a couple of hours after he goes to bed, as we're heading there ourselves, I check on him and find blood spots all over his pillow, from his mouth. We take peeks inside the sleeping, and now crabby, boy's mouth and don't see much besides a blood clot. Let the insane worrying begin. BigCat spends another night sleeping with Bubba and I spend the night hardly sleeping.

August 18: Bubba has his 3 year check-up (thank goodness after the previous night!). All looks well... except that he has Hand, Food and Mouth Disease! What??? Get home from the doc and have a message from my daycare provider that another case was reported just a of couple hours ago. Nothing we can do about it and he seems to be doing relatively well in comparison. I am in complete amazement at how much a doctor's appointment can impact a day... almost the entire day! Getting 2 children ready and out the door, picking up prescriptions, etc. and it's suddenly mid-afternoon. Yikes. I don't know how mamas with more kiddos do it!!

August 19: This is the day I've been waiting for. One in which I can just snuggle with my baby and do nothing else... well, almost nothing. I don't mind those other little things throughout the day, as long as I get some bonding time in with my baby girl. This is long overdue and honestly, I feel a bit robbed by this fact. For her first week of life, she was in the hospital where I had very little time with her. And the second week was filled with complete chaos. I have no clue what it's like to have a baby and get to go home and bond, cuddle, rest, enjoy. So, forgive me, but I am taking some days to do this now. I need to do it before I share her with more people. I need to do it for her sake (keeping her environment somewhat womb-like a little longer). I need to do it before my body repays me for the lack of rest. I need to do it just because I do.

Bubba Firsts

About a week and a half ago, around 9:30 pm, I was just starting homework when we heard Bubba cry. Normally I wouldn't even blink an eye at a squawk during the night, but immediately I knew something was wrong. To make a long story short - we experienced Bubba's first, and hopefully only, 'night terror'. We have found this explanation to be similar to what happened in those 8 or so minutes (plus a few panicked phone calls to Bubba's grandparents and doctor). Neither BigCat nor I had experienced a scare like this before. We're thankful it wasn't something more serious.

And in the life of a 19-month-old boy, there are many 'firsts' happening all of the time:
He left our friends' with this forehead gouge after a brief encounter with their fireplace bricks. It was my first freak-out due to a Bubba injury (we've been fortunate... or maybe this is just the beginning??!). The two ladies I was with are both experienced with boys of their own; their counsel was priceless. I know it doesn't look too bad here, but I think he looks pretty bad!


And his first official hair cut (I cut his duck tail months ago). Thanks Grandma R. And thanks to this yummy sucker! Overall it went well. He's more little boy and less baby all of the time.


Lastly, an update on Bubba's parents. BigCat is back to about 85% after the double-ear-infection. I had a relatively pointless appointment with my specialist this week. We concluded I am half-way better and that we'll be "half is glass full" kind of people. He and I will visit again in a couple of months, unless there are changes in my status between now and then.

Although school is keeping me up way too late on weeknights, soaking up every spare minute I have and causing a decent amount of stress, I am enjoying it. I am happy with the forum and am satisfied with every experience thus far. In fact, after week one I have a solid 'A' and great feedback from my instructor. It feels good! :-)

Dear Blog,

Please don't feel as though I am avoiding you... see I've been busy. Ironically enough, busy tends to make for more stories to tell, but it also means much less time to share them.

School officially started yesterday, however, I began on Sunday (one bonus of many with the flexibility of online education). For years I had been weary of taking online classes, claimed I wouldn't do it. However, with my life as it is - which is wonderful- it wouldn't be happening if I had to be away from home more than now, especially when driving a great distance. So far, so good. I'm enjoying the new challenge (an attitude that will certainly wane with time) and am very happy with the service, environment and ideas of my new school.

Health update: Virus-wise, Bubba and I are doing quite well. BigCat, however, went in yesterday with an ear infection. *phone rings, five minutes later...* BigCat now has a raging infection in.his.other.ear. Double.the.fun. SOD-wise, after a week or so long scare that my procedure may have done more harm than good, I am finally starting to feel better. Keep the prayers comin' though, it continues to be a daily nuisance, somehow, someway.

I will do my best to write again soon. Hope all is well until then.

Lovingly,
Sarah

Star Points

Sometimes, a list is the easiest way to catch-up.

* Bubba is on the mend, but still not 100%. Now two other lil' boys at daycare are sick with the same ultra-contagious infection.
* Oh, did I mention... BigCat and I also got the virus that started it all??
* The abdominal pain is.still.here. Such high hopes I had before the procedure, and again post-stent-removal for a pain-free future. Hopefully the next meeting with my doctor (in two weeks) will turn another light on at the end of this dark tunnel.
* After careful consideration and a chat with BigCat, I have opted to complete the 3-Day in an upcoming year instead of this one. Largely because of: the above listed pain uncertainty and the initiation of a Graduate college career. It's a bit much on top of wifing, momming, working, etc. I do pledge to experience this amazing journey in my lifetime.
* My books have been delivered, paperwork completed and excitement put in check - school starts on Tuesday!!

Poor Baby Bubba

Sometimes, life takes a course of its own regardless of the plans that have been made. This weekend is a prime example of this very thing, albeit in small form. All week, Bubba had been succumbing to a nasty cold. Finally on Friday we went for a visit with the doctor. Some poking, prodding, nebulizing and xraying later Bubba was diagnosed with Bronchilitis, which is an infection of the lungs' airways (the radiologist may still diagnosis it as pneumonia). We were sent home with a nebulizer of our own, which is a thrice-daily experience, and some antibiotics to ward the infections of his lungs and left ear. This has been a weekend full of firsts for all of us with Bubba the sickest he's ever been. And needless to say, most of the plans we did have were put aside for more important things - being there when Bubba really wanted, and needed, some rest and TLC from us (especially mom :-) ). However, along with the love we're feeling from Bubba we're both feeling the cold as well.


All comfy and cute, what a sad lil' tot he was. Thankfully, his fever broke during his nap today... we're on the road to recovery.

As John Lennon stated in "Beautiful Boy" and my mom has reiterated uncountable times, "life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". After a busy week with little - to quite little - time together as a family, we are making up for that... and it just so happens to be what we all need.

Lunch Gabber

Just wanted to let you know a couple of things. One, I went back to the doctor on Tuesday for an x-ray to see whether the two stents had passed. My mom and I had high hopes for a clean bill of health and a fun lunch date ahead. We were wrong. Instead, I was checked-in, IV'd, put under and had a tube shoved down my throat. One of the two had not passed on its own. On a high note, I'm hoping this helps to relieve the pain I continue to feel. I was very disappointed the beginning of this week when my pain was back, as it was before, but worse... it lasted all day now instead of coming and going. What was I thinking signing myself up for so much?!?!

Secondly, I wanted to let you know that tonight is the night of the dreaded dinner date with my recently reconnected, formerly estranged, friend. I say dreaded because the anxiety is a bit on the high end. I think overall it will be very good... just gotta get past this first one! I will keep you posted as to how it turns out in the end.

That's all for now folks!

The Three R's

It's official. My time of rest, relaxation and recovery is coming to an end. Well, hopefully not the last of those three R's - I've still got a little ways to go there.

With every passing day there has been improvement in my health, well, aside from today. I think I overdid it a bit yesterday, leaving me feeling a little less well now. Usually I would have Bubba home with me since it's a wonderful Wednesday, but I opted to have him play at daycare instead. Twinges of "bad mom" run through me being I am home and have sent my Bubba to daycare, but it is the best for both of us. Plus, if a mother of six, my grandma, is the one encouraging the thought it must be a good idea... and at $8, how could it be bad??

There are still no sure signs that the procedure has done what is being hoped. The pain from the surgery is still prominent making it impossible to tell if the original discomfort is there. I do know that my nausea, which some days was worse than the pain, is getting better. That's huge.

I go now to enjoy the rest of my day. Tomorrow, along with the real world, will be here soon enough.

Diagnosis: SOD

The doc claimed the procedure was "technically sound". By the book... this was music to my ears. Diagnosis: Sphincter of Oddi dysfunction (I have found this to be at least as accurate as I would be). Two stents are in place - one relieving the duct with "abnormally high pressure". After a rough bout with some hefty pain meds, I settled on Tylenol and just taking it easy. Thank you to BigCat and my mom for enabling me to do just that the last handful of days.

My doc speaks very fast and uses words I don't understand, but regardless I'm quite certain I would have picked up on any diagnosis with 'odd' in it. However, I never heard anything about SOD until post-surgery. Since then I've done a little research and it makes perfect sense. My SOD may be directly related to, caused by, the surgery I had three years ago to remove my gallbladder - along with the very large stone in it - leaving scarring on the sphincter. Finally I feel like I'm getting the answers I've been looking for. Hopefully the pain relief will be soon to follow.

At this point, I'm moving just fast enough to blog. Still taking it easy for a couple more days and looking forward to the best results possible. As soon as the pain clears up from the procedure itself, I should know if the job is done. Thank you for the thoughts and prayers sent... they're being heard!

Power of Prayer

I told you it would go quickly... it's already the eve of my procedure day. Mixed emotions are brewing now that I'm finally slowing down and have only a nights sleep (if I'm lucky) before it's surgery time. I pray - and ask you all to as well - that everything goes smoothly tomorrow and that we achieve the desired outcome. I could be a whole new me, or at least an improved me, in the days to come. On the other hand, if it doesn't work as hoped, it will affect my life more as time goes on. But, I'll worry about that later. For now I'm settled on fretting about the fast-approaching procedure.

The daily discomfort started approximately seven months ago and has consumed too much of my life since then. It has affected my personal potential at work, and more importantly, at home. To put it in perspective, it's been a factor almost half of Bubba's life with Mama. So, I ask for your help... because I do believe in the power of prayer.

Busy as a Bee

Nothing new to report on. Bubba is clearing up from yet another cold. He goes to daycare ONE day a week and this is what he comes home with. Good times!

It has been quite some time since I've written any blog-lists. So here goes one on the many things BigCat and I are trying to coordinate into our schedules before my procedure mid-February.

*Birthday parties - Including my own, yay!
*Girlie outings - And not just one, but two!
*Ice fishing - BigCat MUST fish more before the house comes off...
*Meeting and cuddling a newborn babe
*Side-jobs - Thankfully one is on the horizon
*Babysitting - Yes, someone other than my own
*Haircuts - I don't have to beg myself to get one like I do BigCat
*Potlucks - My friend is leaving me at work
*Appointments - Make sure I'm all ready for this procedure

And I'm certain more things will develop, making their way into the schedule, as we move along.

However, the busy element is a good thing. In fact, I'm dreading a certain something I have to do at work in a couple of weeks but in the end it's a really good distraction from the anxiety creeping in in the days leading up to my procedure.

Busy as a bee... back to work for me!!

Happy Friday

Just a little update on my EUS from Wednesday. The good news is that they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. She was looking for growths, abnormalities, etc. The bad news is that we may be further from an answer. From what she could tell, it didn't appear to be Pancreas Divisum, as previously thought. There is still a chance being she is not able to see everything necessary to make the diagnosis, but it's a lesser chance. I am waiting for my world-renowned specialist to analyze the results but I have trust in the doctor that did the procedure as well. So, on with the next step, which is the ERCP taking place on February 17th. This is the only way to know for sure whether that's the problem, or if the sphincter is just too small. I am praying to get the answers I need then. I can wait another month if a diagnosis is to be had. I am very happy with the service I am receiving from the U of M.

In the mean time, I hope time goes fast! Keeping busy helps to some extent, not constantly thinking about it and having the days fly right on by. Relaxation is probably what I need the most though, stress is an immediate cause of pain. So, this weekend Grandma R and Grandpa Jimbo are taking Bubba and the pup, so BigCat and I can enjoy some alone time fishing on great Lake Mille Lacs. Catching some fish would be fun, but mostly I'm looking forward to some stress-free time.

Happy weekend to you all!

Booking Backwards

It's so unlike me, and some may find it hard to believe, but I am doing things out of order. I saw the Twilight movie with my galpal a month ago; I debated going only because I hadn't read the book. If a movie is based on a book, I read the book, then catch the flick (like Marley and Me, which BigCat and I saw tonight... Sarah says 4/5 stars, 10/10 tears). The Twilight story was so enthralling I had to continue on, immediately starting the second novel, New Moon. Although I do not regret my decision to see the movie pre-read, the written Twilight has been nagging at me the entire time.

With New Moon finished I am backtracking to Twilight, the novel. At this stage in life, reading a story I already know is incredibly beneficial. Lately there have been many things clogging my brain, when reading it easily veers to other thoughts. Sometimes I'll read an entire page before I realize I haven't captured a thing. And tomorrow I have the EUS (see previous blog*), so there will be plenty of waiting time, great for reading except for my easy distraction by those bustling around me. In either instance, I won't have to waste time reading words I missed the first time... I can just concentrate on finishing the book and being back on the right away.

* If the color contrast isn't great and you can't tell, you can click on the word "blog" above to read about the EUS. It will underline it while you hover as well - for future reference (I like to use this feature).

Baked Goods

Last night, I wrote a long blog about why my ERCP procedure has been moved to February 17th, a month later than originally planned. In short, it's because of work, but my original blog went into great detail. As I was reviewing it, the Bird came up, smacked my laptop, and bam! it was gone. My stomach dropped - I was left with nothing after a good amount of time and thought went into it. I asked myself... is this a sign I should not post it? I was indeed venting and didn't have a whole lot of good to say about the workplace. Eh, I thought, I'll still write it.

After detailing the happenings of my Friday in the office again, I took a brain break in order to read it later with a fresh(er) mind. At 7 o'clock, I decided to bake some banana chocolate chip muffins I've been craving for months. I
never start projects so late in the evening (yes, I consider this late... it's my time to unwind, not get started), but last night I made an exception considering how fired up my mind was.

I cannot remember the last time I baked something other than pre-made cookies. Last night I learned that baking is quite good for my mind, and soul. After writing a therapeutic blog - twice - and baking some muffins, I knew I didn't need to air all of the dirt behind the date change.

It's all about me!

BigCat and I use the title phrase often - it's the joke about who it's really all about in our household at a given time... him or me. Ha! I think we all know it's really all about the Bird. However, this time, this post, is going to be all about me - a benefit of hosting your own blog.

Yesterday, I visited the specialist again to discuss the next steps in determining the cause of my daily abdominal pain. It is believed that I suffer from Pancreas Divisum. For an information overflow on the subject, you may click here, but I will describe in short.

Normally, before birth, the two ducts of the pancreas fuse to create one. Pancreas Divisum is an anomaly in which the ducts do not fuse together, so the fluid drains from two separate ducts. Because of this, the larger one is left with more to drain and not a large enough opening to do so, creating a fluid back-up in the pancreas and causing pain.

On January 7th, I am having an Endoscopic Ultrasound done. This should verify that we're dealing with PD. If so, I have a procedure scheduled for January 15th, an ERCP with a sphincterotomy. The procedure is scrutinized by some, but I am in the hands of an excellent doctor and this is his thing. The biggest downfall... there's only a 50% success rate. However, even with that and other risks, the possible benefits outweigh everything.

Upoem *

Pots of soup, boiling atop the stove

Help for earaches, fever and colds

Juice, naps, it should do us some good

Low-key weekend, thankful we could

Pass the bugs round, back and forth

Grateful one could tend to the hearth

Soon we hope to all be well

In time for parties and silver bells

Until then, we'll get some rest

So when we see you, we're at our best



* Upoem = update + poem

Indisposed

There's decent reason I've been absent from blogland... all in our abode are sick. Who wants to read about a bunch of sickly?? Well, quit reading now if you don't because it's all I have.

The Bird ran a temp, of 102, as his nose became an ever-running fountain. Although he's a bit chirpier now, he's far from full flight. BigCat rarely admits he's ailing but this time around he's engulfed in meds... and a blanket. And me, well, same ol' story. Again, no diagnosis but some confidence from a specialist that we'd find the answer (soon, please!!!). Onward with tests. Fun, fun tests.

So, that's kind of where I've been... just hanging with docs and taking care of sick ones. Lots of QT for our little family, both last and this coming weekend. That should be good for us all.

Easy Peasy

That's what my co-working friend said about the last procedure I had in attempt to figure out my stomach issues. I, however, felt differently. I guess it wasn't difficult on my part, but I didn't enjoy it. On Wednesday, I am finally going to the specialist. Apparently he's like the specialist of specialists, who specializes in post gallbladder removal surgery. Whew. And the procedure: Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography... It's not even easy to say much less easy to endure! Nah, it'll be fine.

Although I'm not looking forward to the procedure, I am anxiously awaiting some answers. Let's hope I get some, and fixable ones at that!

Correction: Sorry, I got a little ahead of myself. When I received the paperwork for my appointment I looked it over and put it away for the following month. In the mean time, I searched mayoclinic.com and pulled up the name of the below mentioned procedure... I saw the looooong last word and assumed (we all know what ass-u-me stands for) that was my procedure. Well, really I'm having magnetic resonance cholangiopancreatography. This is a "less invasive alternative to [ERCP]".

ComfortaCarbs

Carbohydrates. They're like a ginormous hug for the body. An inner hug. I've been craving carbs like mad lately, maybe in an effort to make my insides happy. My favorite feel-good meal is Mac & Cheese, yum. Or maybe Serum's potato soup. Anyway, it's working.

And it's a good thing I've found my own remedy to use. All of the tests done thus far have come back normal. It is a relief that we're able to rule out some of the possibilities, but there are so many more avenues to try.

I've had a happy weekend at home, wonderful Bird QT, and a filled up, warm tummy.

A Piece of Prayer

With the world as it is today, I know that many people, probably all, are in need of prayers. The agenda each night before sleep seems to be getting longer by day.

For the last two and a half months or so, I've been feeling under the weather. I've had abdominal pain, or more of a discomfort, a distressing nuisance. The problem is that it is almost non-stop and has recently been accompanied with nausea. I have been doctoring, but that is a whole lot of 'hurry up, and wait'. I have a few tests underway and if nothing turns up with these, we will continue to search for answers.

At this point, it seems to be a guessing and testing game; it could be one of many different things. Although I look just fine from the outside, this is affecting me on so many different levels. I ask anyone willing, to put me in as a piece of their prayers.

Masking the Worry

I went to a shower a couple months back and they had some extravagant gift baskets for their guests. Mine included many items to help a gal relax, how perfect! With cute little jewels, a white eye mask found it's way from the basket into my night stand, where I thought it would stay forever.

This sounds odd, but every night when I lie down I feel the little area in between my eyes tighten up, increasing the depth of that little 'worried' line tremendously. Am I thinking too hard? Worried? Anxious? Whatever the case, it really bothers me. I recently have started using my thumb, finger, whatever, to put some pressure in that spot which helps me to relax. I was even starting to think that maybe a little Botox would freeze it and then I wouldn't have to feel it again (too bad that's way out of my price range). And then, one night, I threw on the pretty little eye mask.

It was wonderful, for so many reasons. It blocks any light, felt nice over my eyes and most importantly put the right amount of pressure on my worried line. I may look kind of funny in bed these days, but I heart my eye mask.