Whew! Week

In case you're missing me in the next week, I want you to know why. You haven't been forgotten, I'm just uber-busy!

* Friday, 1/30 - Dinner, drinks and games with family friends
* Saturday, 1/31 - 'Dirty 30' birthday party for a friend
* Sunday, 2/1 - Superbowl... 43??
* Monday, 2/2 - Dinner with all, or most, of my girls
* Tuesday, 2/3 - A couple of my dearest friends are taking me out for my birthday
* Wednesday, 2/4 - Lunch with the ladies
* Thursday, 2/5 - So far, NOTHING!
* Friday, 2/6 - OSP Outing... It's with a few gals who all worked at the Office of Sponsored Programs at SCSU. BigCat refers to this as my Old St. Cloud People outing. And no, he doesn't mean old in age, just former! We'll eat lots of appy's and enjoy drinks for about 8 hours in a booth at Houli's!
* Saturday, 2/7 - Dinner with that old friend... definitely have a bit of anxiety about this one
* Sunday, 2/8 - Birthday celebration at D&B's with my families!

Thank goodness I have all this happy to look forward to. Today is the start of my incredibly busy and stressful work week. In fact, I'm even working every day next week. Yikes!

Although I may not visit Blogland, it's a comfort to know it's there for me if I need it. It is an amazing relief for me to write... so I may just find my way here at some point.

Happy Weekend!!!!! :-)

Something Old, Something New

Some of you may recall a blog I wrote a while back concerning an estranged friend. It was clear in my writing that I was still angry, after years of hurt, confusion, and questions gone unanswered. At that time, I was convinced that I would not give the time of day to this person, not again in this lifetime.

However, about a month ago I received a note from her. A note of apology. A number of conversations later we are on our way back towards friendship. Something I never thought possible. I am still bewildered by how far a heartfelt, truthful apology can go. If someone had told me prior to this that I would forgive her someday, I would have laughed in their face.

Well, I am not laughing... I am smiling. I have decided that forgiveness is better than carrying the burden of anger any longer. Something big has been lifted from me, and for that I am grateful. And to top it off, I may have gained a friend... an old friend in a new way.

POMS

I'm at a loss for blog thoughts lately. There are so many bigger things going on - bigger than anything I would attempt to write about. Indescribable thoughts circling around, flitting about constantly throughout the day. It's like the feeling suggested when you hear "in the pit of your stomach". It isn't an easily described feeling, but we all know what it is.

I can think of many moments in my life when I felt it in the 'pit of my stomach' -POMS. Most of my POMS memories are unpleasant ones, or at least anxiety-ridden... forgetting a paper that was due that morning, finding out a loved one has cancer, hearing that he was going to be at the party, an argument with someone of significance, a death... I can feel it in the POMS now with just mention of these memories.

Where I am right now, in this life, will be a time remembered like those above. When I think back, I will be able to feel it all again. I'm not altogether sure it's a good thing, but I do know it has a great impact on the person I have come to be... and will grow to be.

Ooh Noo

Bubba can open the closet doors.

Busy as a Bee

Nothing new to report on. Bubba is clearing up from yet another cold. He goes to daycare ONE day a week and this is what he comes home with. Good times!

It has been quite some time since I've written any blog-lists. So here goes one on the many things BigCat and I are trying to coordinate into our schedules before my procedure mid-February.

*Birthday parties - Including my own, yay!
*Girlie outings - And not just one, but two!
*Ice fishing - BigCat MUST fish more before the house comes off...
*Meeting and cuddling a newborn babe
*Side-jobs - Thankfully one is on the horizon
*Babysitting - Yes, someone other than my own
*Haircuts - I don't have to beg myself to get one like I do BigCat
*Potlucks - My friend is leaving me at work
*Appointments - Make sure I'm all ready for this procedure

And I'm certain more things will develop, making their way into the schedule, as we move along.

However, the busy element is a good thing. In fact, I'm dreading a certain something I have to do at work in a couple of weeks but in the end it's a really good distraction from the anxiety creeping in in the days leading up to my procedure.

Busy as a bee... back to work for me!!

sNOw Complaints

It really is pretty; falling ever so softly onto a bright, fresh, perfect landscape of its own. But I guiltily feel twangs of 'seriously??', 'isn't enough, enough?', 'Gimme a break!'. But, then there's always someone saying, "yah, well, you know... that's Minnisohta for ya!". Right. And I would never choose to live anywhere but. But...

When does it become acceptable to complain about it? When there's two feet of the white crystals lining the driveway? When we haven't seen a completely dry, safe highway in weeks? When it's too cold to enjoy playing in it? When we can no longer use it as an excuse to cozy up in the house, spending time together?

Today, Bubba and I are going to cozy up in the house... I guess for today, I can't complain.

Birthdays, Bucks & Bubba

We are in the midst of birthday season for our families... SIL, Jimbo, FIL, yours truly and MIL - in that order. Most recently was my dad's when we went to one of my fave restaurants. It was as entertaining and scrumptious as ever; I must note their delicious shrimp sauce and gratuitous group photo.

Last night we discovered - well, BigCat discovered - the 'big buck' out back grazing our feeder, with a smaller one (6 pointer) standing guard. In an attempt to obtain evidence we snapped a few photos of the larger one tonight. If you look real hard, you can see the antlers... 10 pointer!!

Bubba is 17 months on Friday... where does the time go? After a cute lil' sneeze tonight I uttered "God bless you baby", then thought 'where did my baby go??'. Now he's a running toddler investigating everything.all.of.the.time. Moments like this one are short-lived... Grammy, MIL, was quick enough to get this precious shot.

And here, after only a few minutes - along with my notice of the sudden quiet - I turned to find Bubba sitting in the coveted couch spot with table access, remotes, recliner. The funniest part is that he never watches tv, just observes us sitting in that spot. He flipped on Seinfeld and kicked back for a few minutes. What more could a guy want?

Super Slow Sarah

Over the weekend I discovered that a video game, Super Mario Brothers 3, can be easily related to life. As you start out - worlds one and two - it doesn't take long to scurry through, missing the turtles and canon balls. Pretty simple, effortless advances. As you move forward, the levels become a bit more challenging, but mostly with exciting twists. Apprehension is at a minimum. It is in these stages that Mario is given the opportunity to try out limited edition characters, experience the different attributes, learn what works best and when. Hmmm... sounds a bit like the pre-teen to college ages, for some. Continuing on, everything gets a bit more complicated. It isn't so easy to cruise on through and escape all of the flames, pitfalls and dragons without some trepidation.

My frustration grew when I attempted to barge my way through - as I so easily had in earlier worlds. It quickly became time to slow things down a bit; consider everything transpiring and figure out the best way through the trials and obstacles. And that's the thing, there is absolutely a way through. The game is beatable. You just need to take it all step by step, trying to contain the anticipation, anxiety and excitement involved.

My weekend gave me that time (and time to play an ancient video game). The time to slow things down a bit, relax, take a look at the bigger picture and really see what's going on. It was quite refreshing. And all of the cool, crisp, fresh air out on the lake didn't hurt either.





Well, for the most part I actually felt little cold air and was happily cozied up in this ice shanty of FIL's. Although we didn't catch our limit of fish (or any) we did get at least one other mission accomplished: renewal.

Happy Friday

Just a little update on my EUS from Wednesday. The good news is that they didn't find anything out of the ordinary. She was looking for growths, abnormalities, etc. The bad news is that we may be further from an answer. From what she could tell, it didn't appear to be Pancreas Divisum, as previously thought. There is still a chance being she is not able to see everything necessary to make the diagnosis, but it's a lesser chance. I am waiting for my world-renowned specialist to analyze the results but I have trust in the doctor that did the procedure as well. So, on with the next step, which is the ERCP taking place on February 17th. This is the only way to know for sure whether that's the problem, or if the sphincter is just too small. I am praying to get the answers I need then. I can wait another month if a diagnosis is to be had. I am very happy with the service I am receiving from the U of M.

In the mean time, I hope time goes fast! Keeping busy helps to some extent, not constantly thinking about it and having the days fly right on by. Relaxation is probably what I need the most though, stress is an immediate cause of pain. So, this weekend Grandma R and Grandpa Jimbo are taking Bubba and the pup, so BigCat and I can enjoy some alone time fishing on great Lake Mille Lacs. Catching some fish would be fun, but mostly I'm looking forward to some stress-free time.

Happy weekend to you all!

Begin Again

It's 8:15 and I just got to work. I'd like to start this day over, already.

* Woke up late - will blame yesterday's sedative
* Hit head on top of car door frame
* Due to aforementioned head injury I yelled loudly, hurting my sore throat from yesterday's scope
* Car pulled out in front of me on a 55 mph road although they shouldn't have - I slammed on the brakes and proceeded to shoulder narrowly avoiding rear-ender
* Car proceeded to brake, brake, and brake again, finally putting flashers on although staying in lane
* Started honking and yelling at person in said car to get onto the shoulder being other vehicle's were flying in at 55 mph +
* Due to aforementioned yelling, again hurt already sore throat
* Realized a mile from work that I forgot my lunch, and I was really looking forward to it
* Was late to work

Ok, I feel a little better already. I'm hoping to put this all behind me now that I've gotten it out and change the direction my day was heading.

Booking Backwards

It's so unlike me, and some may find it hard to believe, but I am doing things out of order. I saw the Twilight movie with my galpal a month ago; I debated going only because I hadn't read the book. If a movie is based on a book, I read the book, then catch the flick (like Marley and Me, which BigCat and I saw tonight... Sarah says 4/5 stars, 10/10 tears). The Twilight story was so enthralling I had to continue on, immediately starting the second novel, New Moon. Although I do not regret my decision to see the movie pre-read, the written Twilight has been nagging at me the entire time.

With New Moon finished I am backtracking to Twilight, the novel. At this stage in life, reading a story I already know is incredibly beneficial. Lately there have been many things clogging my brain, when reading it easily veers to other thoughts. Sometimes I'll read an entire page before I realize I haven't captured a thing. And tomorrow I have the EUS (see previous blog*), so there will be plenty of waiting time, great for reading except for my easy distraction by those bustling around me. In either instance, I won't have to waste time reading words I missed the first time... I can just concentrate on finishing the book and being back on the right away.

* If the color contrast isn't great and you can't tell, you can click on the word "blog" above to read about the EUS. It will underline it while you hover as well - for future reference (I like to use this feature).

A-new

Three days in, and I'm feeling optimistic about 2009. We started the new year out at our friend's, Trason's, playing games, laughing, eating and drinking into the new year. The 1st day of '09 was a relaxing one at home when I was surprised by an estranged friend contacting me... after about 8 years, talk about unexpected! The 2nd day was an ultra-productive day in the cube with it being so quiet in the office. After all my hard work I decided to unwind by inviting a girlfriend over to chat while we wet our palate with a bottle of wine. This morning, we loaded up the Bird and headed to her place, where he and Hunter (his senior 2 week and 2 day BFF) played for hours.

I can't imagine BigCat has much for complaints these first few days either. He's mostly been fishing, and even catching a few here and there. A little break from being Mr. Mom which is very different than his usual day job.

This past year has flown right on by. So many big changes in our lives - some welcomed, some not - with the Bird being the most exceptional. With all of his growth as we enter into the new year he earned himself a new blog name (he's hardly a lil' bird anymore):

Meet Bubba