Chaos Chronicle

Since our wee baby girl arrived on August 3rd, life has been nothing short of incredibly hectic. I need to document it here, in no frilly fashion, before I forget it along with the many other things (like where I put her blanket) that vanish before I realize. There is not a single doubt in my mind that this post will be long, but it needs to exist for our personal remembrance more than anything else.

August 3: a supposed 6 weeks early (I believe we were actually further along than my due date suggested), our 5 lb 11 oz, 19", baby bundle arrives. Being she is so early, she is an automatic admit to the Level II nursery. We are already familiar and comfortable (as much as one can be in this situation) with this scenario being Bubba found himself here in his first days of life as well. Other than a bit of a respiratory diagnosis - albeit one without need of any help - she looks pretty good. However, there are many milestones she'll need to pass before she is released. There is no telling how long she will be in, how long we'll be without our complete family at home, but we know she is in great hands.

August 5: I am released from the hospital but given a room for boarding being the wee one is still a patient. However, I decide later that night not to take advantage of this room, for a variety of reasons, so I go home after spending time with our babe and taking part in a couple of feedings.

August 6 - 8: Each day revolves around hospital visits. I would go to spend 3 feedings with her, each spanning 3 hours apart. We are able to cuddle and bond amongst the beeping monitors and nurses. To pass the time in-between, which only ends up being about 2 hours, I pump, eat, talk, shop, etc. Always running.

August 9: After a few days of a pain shooting up my back, leading to tightening of my chest and back, in turn lowering my pulse to the low 40's and raising my blood pressure, I find myself in the emergency room (first time ever!). An EKG and CT scan were done immediately to rule out the upfront life threatening issues. Throughout the next 6 hours more tests are completed and it is decided that I am to be admitted to the cardiac unit. Scary. More tests. More pokes. More tears. I tell everyone I talk to that my baby is going home the following day and I plan to be doing the same... so figure this out! That night, I developed the worst headache of my lifetime. Keep in mind I have regular migraines so I'm already familiar with horrible headaches and this is much worse. All of my heart tests come back looking good, which only confirms my own suspicions that this is related to the epidural. The epidural in which the doc took two swipes before getting it right, then managed to numb one of my legs beyond any one's belief, including nurses who see this done all of the time. Every doc I suggested this to bocked at my idea, but in the end the anesthesiology department was involved. That was as much of an admittance ever received.

August 10: I am discharged from the Cardiology unit mid-afternoon, with blood pressure meds and pain killers. By 3 we are on our way to pick up Bubba with baby girl in tow. Good day.

August 11: MIL comes over to help organize baby girl's room... it is a complete catastrophe due to the early arrival and chaos of the previous days. This takes most of the day. I'm exhausted. I've yet to relax much less take a nap like I think new mamas should.

August 12: First follow-up appointment for baby girl. All looks good. She's gaining weight (which is almost all that is checked). Somehow this quick follow-up appointment ends up chewing up a good portion of my day.

August 13: Friday... need I say more? BigCat ends up home due to rain so it's another day of getting stuff done on top of preemie caring. Note: preemie caring is indeed different than regular newborn caring. More rules, more feedings (whether she is wanting them or not), etc. The OB home nurse also visits and does the many things I feel our life has encompassed as of lately (blood pressure checks, questionnaires, temperatures, etc).

August 14 - 15: We are prepping for Bubba's 3rd birthday party. The families are coming out Monday night to celebrate. Shopping, cleaning, wrapping, etc. He isn't sleeping well so BigCat spends much of his nights with Bubba.

August 16: Carpet installation in the downstairs bedroom is completed 5 minutes after I need it to be... Baby girl hasn't pooped since Friday morning, so they suggest she comes in and create an opening for her appointment before the doc technically starts her day. This whole debacle ends up taking 3 hours, leaving me with little time to finish prep for Bubba's party. In the mean time we receive a call from Bubba's daycare provider that he is complaining of his throat hurting. Nothing else seems to be going on (and we're not sure if it's for attention, a common act since baby girl arrived) so she keeps him. I shower only after the first guests arrive.

August 17: Bubba is continuing at daycare for these first weeks... it's best for everyone involved. In an attempt to drop him off, he bawls like never before saying only "I want to go home". So, he gets just that. He remains in relatively good spirits but nonetheless adds quite the dimension to being home with baby. That night, a couple of hours after he goes to bed, as we're heading there ourselves, I check on him and find blood spots all over his pillow, from his mouth. We take peeks inside the sleeping, and now crabby, boy's mouth and don't see much besides a blood clot. Let the insane worrying begin. BigCat spends another night sleeping with Bubba and I spend the night hardly sleeping.

August 18: Bubba has his 3 year check-up (thank goodness after the previous night!). All looks well... except that he has Hand, Food and Mouth Disease! What??? Get home from the doc and have a message from my daycare provider that another case was reported just a of couple hours ago. Nothing we can do about it and he seems to be doing relatively well in comparison. I am in complete amazement at how much a doctor's appointment can impact a day... almost the entire day! Getting 2 children ready and out the door, picking up prescriptions, etc. and it's suddenly mid-afternoon. Yikes. I don't know how mamas with more kiddos do it!!

August 19: This is the day I've been waiting for. One in which I can just snuggle with my baby and do nothing else... well, almost nothing. I don't mind those other little things throughout the day, as long as I get some bonding time in with my baby girl. This is long overdue and honestly, I feel a bit robbed by this fact. For her first week of life, she was in the hospital where I had very little time with her. And the second week was filled with complete chaos. I have no clue what it's like to have a baby and get to go home and bond, cuddle, rest, enjoy. So, forgive me, but I am taking some days to do this now. I need to do it before I share her with more people. I need to do it for her sake (keeping her environment somewhat womb-like a little longer). I need to do it before my body repays me for the lack of rest. I need to do it just because I do.